In Life:
- After nearly two weeks of struggle, I finally tested negative, but it's quite evident that my body functions have not fully recovered. The biggest impact is on my heart; now I can't stay up late at all. If I stay up past a certain point without sleeping, my heart starts alarming. Several times, I felt like I was on the brink of sudden death. Even if I didn't stay up voluntarily, I still experience this when waking up in the middle of the night. I plan to get my heart checked when I have some free time. Additionally, my hands and feet have become excessively sweaty, not sure if it's related to the heart, but it's uncomfortable, making me feel very weak.
- The good thing is that my appetite has been good these days. I haven't woken up after nine in the morning; I naturally wake up around eight, sometimes even before seven. After waking up, I go across the street for breakfast and then spend some time downstairs enjoying the natural breeze, which really uplifts my mood.
- I've developed a liking for shopping; it's tiring but enjoyable, maybe because of the beautiful clothes in the malls. Lately, my desire to shop has been strong, almost like revenge spending, venting out some dissatisfaction in life through shopping. It could also be the release of pent-up shopping desires. However, today, while discussing consumerism with a friend, we talked about how people work to earn money because of their desire to consume, not the other way around. The cost of desire lies in how strong it is.
- Working with people whose values don't align with mine makes me feel disgusted and seriously affects my mental health. My tolerance hasn't increased with age; on the contrary, the older I get, the more I detest hypocrisy and flattery. I find it increasingly unbearable to work with such individuals or groups, causing me a great deal of pain.
In Learning:
- Today, I caught up with a friend I hadn't talked to in a long time about work. He mentioned that he refused to become a capitalist lackey, so now he's back living with his parents. He's not someone with consumer desires, but he's willing to invest in his own learning. His journey from a programmer to a community manager, and then to a waiter at Haidilao, is astonishing. I didn't delve deep into the reasons why he stopped working, but he resigned because he couldn't agree with the company's inconsistent values, something I can relate to, which made me reflect on my current situation.
- If in the past, I was on the path to becoming a refined selfish petite bourgeoisie, now my thoughts are completely different. I aspire to do things that can help others, have long-term value for society. It's a challenging task, but I hope to help as many people as possible. If not, I also hope not to harm others.
Summary:
Lately, I've had limited personal study time, partly due to being ill and also because of an urgent project I'm working on, even pulling weekend overtime. I hope to adjust my state and learn new knowledge as much as possible.